2024: The Year of Tenacity

 In searching for a word to sum up 2024, I wasn’t coming up with much. I thought of doggedness, but that’s not very inspiring. Steadfastness popped into my head too, but that’s too brave and overcoming a word for the often beaten-down figure that was me this year. So I settled on something in between—tenacity. Tenacity can be defined as determination, persistence, firm grip, the quality of continuing to exist. And much of the last twelve months has felt like simply a determination to keep existing, keep pressing through the obstacles I had no way around.

Last year my word was courage, as I faced down unanticipated, glaring fears. This year, the fears were more of an undertone, less loud, but still inescapable. I got used to them, you might say—the nightmares, health challenges, old traumas—so living with them day after day didn’t seem so much like courage. But tenacity? It could be that, this persistent search for relief, and where it is not to be found, existing anyway.

And then there was the complicated pregnancy, birth, and early days of my little girl, where I had to be more tenacious than ever, not just for myself, but for her. I had to keep a firm grip on my wishes and motherly instincts in the face of fear mongering doctors, medical abuses, and mismanaged care. It takes some determination to leave the hospital in the middle of a five-day labor, and then to face the powers that be who are detaining your perfectly healthy baby in the Neonatal Incarceration—I mean, Intensive Care—Unit. But I did it. We did it, my tenaciously devoted and loving husband and I, somehow, with God’s help.

I suppose tenacity is a little like faith—faith scraped from the bottom of the barrel, perhaps, but faith nonetheless. I wish I could say that my trust in God has been gloriously solid, that I’ve felt Him near in all the turmoil and never doubted His love, but the truth is that these have been dark days for my soul. Even the hope of Christ’s return to make all things new, a hope that once carried me through so strongly, has worn so thin it’s barely there. But still I hold on by my fingertips, continuing to exist in my Savior, because there’s nothing else to do. It’s not much, not heroic, hardly even commendable, but even if I don’t feel it (or feel the opposite), I know the truth—God is good, He is love, and He is there. That’s my story, and I’m tenaciously sticking to it.

Only hold fast what you have until I come.

Revelation 2:25

2023: The Year of Courage

I didn't set out to be courageous this year. This year was supposed to consist of happily settling into my marriage and peaceful new home...but that was not exactly how it happened. While I could never have asked for a more perfectly compatible marriage or a more loving husband, no one could have prepared me for the challenges of life surrounding our new relationship that would require much courage. And to tell the truth, I really didn't feel courageous facing it all.

Even before our wedding, the year started out with hours in the ER for my beloved's (still ongoing and unexplained) health issues. Our honeymoon ended with a car accident, followed by my first ever panic attack and continual nightmares. Tight finances, ministry stress, the surfacing of old traumas, and moments of deep overwhelm seemed to bring me to the edge of my sanity, and it was only God's grace and my husband's tender care keeping me afloat. Though I've never been a fearful person, I suddenly found myself consumed by fears.

But I made it through. I didn't even realize it, but I somehow had the courage to keep going through the stress and the breakdowns. I put my health skills to work to find ways to care for my husband. I drove my repaired car past the accident site. I got myself to physical therapy and mental health counseling. I worked hard, put many things on the back burner, and survived long periods of incessant busyness. All of it took courage, an extra measure of strength every day to take a deep breath and press on.

That's how courage works - it's not a resource you can stock up for when it's needed, but a grace provided in the moment. It's strength of heart, fortitude, resilience, made steadier with testing. Courage doesn't feel like invincibility; more often it feels like dogged steps through the mud or sickening dread of facing that thing again...but doing it anyway. It's the meeting of hope, love, and faith, a determination not to let fear get the last word. For the last word belongs to the Giver of courage, the One who has conquered fear and will redeem the hardships we endure. He will bring us through.

Wait on the LORD;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Psalm 27:14

2022: The Year of Healing

This year has been by far one of most full - and undoubtedly the happiest - of my life, the year in which I finally said yes to my beloved husband-to-be. Yet this was one of those years that I’ve come to the end of still unsure of my Word of the Year. How to sum up these months of learning to love, to rest, to surrender my control and find security in trusting another with my future? The word that has come back to my mind over the last few days is Healing.

It’s a present active participle, a verb still in process of being done. And that’s how much of this year has felt - so much good, so much that has been healed, yet a process still to be completed. I have grown in love for my fiancé, yet the wedding is still 45 days away. Through his patient care, I have worked through old scars and deeply ingrained detrimental habits, yet these still rise to the surface at times. I have accomplished many of my goals, yet there is still so much undone. Even my physical healing from the years of Lyme disease has reached a point that I might say I am healed, yet I still feel my body’s weakness.

And this is where we find ourselves in the Christian life, in the “already and not yet,” the time between the healing of our relationship with God at our conversion and our complete healing in Christ’s presence. It is a long process, full of successes and setbacks, every recognition of how far we’ve come followed by a reminder of how deep our brokenness runs. For all the tremendous joy of this year, the yet unhealed wounds of my life and the world are no less painful, and I ache a little more for the healing to come.

It hasn’t happened yet, but it is happening. Every day, in the simple acts of loving those around me, I am participating in the healing of just a tiny bit of the vast hurt that exists in the present. I am joining God in His patient work of restoring what sin has so hideously ruined. He is healing me, healing us, until that coming Day when at last all is healed forever. May it be soon.

2021: The Year of Community

Here we are, at my annual #WordOfTheYear post once again! This year, I knew my word quite early on - or at least, I thought I did. No later than March, I was pretty sure it would be fellowship. I wrote a whole devotional on that topic and thought about it a lot. After a year of social distancing and rather fragmented fellowship, it was something I felt was particularly needed in the world and in my life. But as the year went on, my fascination with fellowship deepened into a calling to community.

Fellowship is certainly a beautiful thing. When diverse people gather to share life and work towards a goal together, there is tremendous potential for growth, security, and power. (Think the Fellowship of the Ring.) Christian people have this amazing gift of being able to find fellowship with each other wherever they happen to be, whatever walk of life, whatever language, race, social status, or anything else. We always have something in common that's big enough to rally around, and at our best, we can serve our Lord together pretty amazingly.

But the more I saw how this concept was playing out in my life, the more I found myself using the word community to describe what I was experiencing. It was like fellowship, but with a more down-home feeling. Not so much like everyone's favorite Fellowship that fulfilled a mission and then disbanded, but like the Shire in peacetime when everyone in Hobbiton shows up to the Birthday Party whether they're invited or not. Community is about the daily ordinary life lived with the people who happen to be around you. It's informal, organic, maybe even a little messy.

I bought a house in a downtown area near the end of last year, and being in close proximity to city life has helped develop my sense of community. As I walk to work, I see people. I see people while I water my plants at the community garden. Even when I walk to the cemetery, I see real live people. I've learned to smile and nod, maybe even stop to say hello and offer a few fresh-picked carrots. As a general rule, people aren't scary. They're actually pretty cool (yes, even my neighbors who made no secret of voting differently than I did). Community is paying attention to the humanity in front of you.

This year, I've grown in my interactions with my church community by serving in new ways. I've developed deeper connections with people I've previously had a friendly but business-like relationship with. I've even found remarkably meaningful correspondence with new friends I've only met on Zoom or in letters. And the one thing I've found they all have in common is me. Specifically, my willingness to offer my talents, time, and thoughts to enrich their lives. Community happens when people give themselves to one another in big and small ways. Even a word or a smile in passing on the sidewalk can make a difference, and it's really not that hard.

While there are times I do want to gather a special fellowship around me for a particular purpose, most of life is about simply being open to the people God places in my path on any given day. Community is the little, mundane things that develop into surprisingly beautiful relationships over time. It can't be manufactured, only accepted with humble gratitude and wholehearted generosity.

So here's to my community, whoever you are - I thank God for you. Happy New Year!

2020: The Year of Newness

Unstable. Unpredictable. Unprecedented. It's undeniable that this year has turned the entire world upside down in too many ways to count. But in the midst of all the upheaval, this year has been chock-full of new and wonderful things for me: a new nephew, new co-workers, new ministry strategies, a new home, a new "parenting" experience, new friends, a new role as a writer, new language studies, new medical research and health improvements, even new social media. All this newness, while largely unplanned on my part, has brought me so much joy I could not have imagined if things had kept on as they always have.

New things require change. Some unsettling is a necessity for new developments to move in and take over the old areas of our lives where we may have felt comfortable and secure in the familiar. If we could have seen into the future last first of January, I doubt any of us would have jumped for joy and shouted, "Bring it on!" Yet here we are, at the end of all the trials of 2020, still moving forward. There's no guarantee that 2021 will not bring more of the same challenges, but if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that God remains the same, and not one headline is news to Him. He will lead us through just as He always has.

And just maybe, 2021 will be the year He comes again to make all things new. I'm waiting, hoping. Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Then He who sat on the throne said,

"Behold, I make all things new."

Revelation 21:5

A Prayer for Election Day

O Lord,

Ruler of all nations,

You are sovereign over this day.

You saw the outcome of today’s election before the beginning of time.

You are the One who sets up kings and brings them low.

All powers on earth are subject to your power.

Whatever the result of today’s political race,

Your majesty will remain undiminished,

Your rule unhindered,

and Your glory uncontested.

Thank You that Your people’s hopes are secure in You.

We do not depend on a president,

a governor,

a representative,

a judge,

or any other elected official for our eternal safety.

Our trust is in the omnipotent Christ,

King of kings

and Lord of lords,

the One who has defeated Hell itself for our sake

and has promised us a place in His glorious kingdom.

Grant us wisdom as we cast our votes,

that we may honor You in fulfilling our duty

to the earthly nation where You have ordained that we should live.

Grant us grace to view each candidate and issue from Your perspective,

remembering Your heart for justice, mercy, truth, and love.

Grant us sensitivity to our fellow voters,

both those of our own party

and those who differ,

that we may not sin by degrading those who are made in Your image

for the sake of our own opinions.

If today’s election satisfies our wish for our nation,

Let us not gloat in pride,

but remind ourselves that every temporary institution of man, however great,

must one day become nothing, giving way to Your eternal kingdom.

If our wish for our nation is disappointed in this election,

Let us not respond in anger or fear,

but surrender ourselves to Your perfect will,

trusting in your watchful care over us and all that concerns us.

Whatever the outcome,

let us hold more tightly to our citizenship in Heaven,

and await more eagerly our returning Savior and King.

Amen.

I Just Need...

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. His divine power has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue. For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.
Hebrews 13:8, 2 Corinthians 12:9, 2 Peter 1:3, Philippians 2:13, 4:13, James 4:17

Time and time again throughout my life, I have thought or said, "I just need _____, then I can _____." "I just need more time, then I can have a better devotional life." "I just need So-and-So to take responsibility, then I can forgive him/her." "I just need my own home, then I can have healthy habits." "I just need to get through the next two weeks, then I can relax." Right. The perfect circumstances I'm holding out for may or may not happen, and even if they do, my problems will not magically disappear. I will only find myself wanting more time, more money, more _____ so that maybe then I can meet that elusive far-away goal.

Where would we be if the apostle Paul had had this mindset? "I just need the Lord to heal my thorn in the flesh, then I can preach the Gospel in Asia." Daniel could have said, "I just need to get through the next thirty days, then I can worship God again." But he didn't. The heroes of the Bible are remembered to this day because they were faithful in less than perfect circumstances. It's easy to look at great men and women of the faith and feel that feats like theirs are unattainable for ordinary lives like ours. But all of them had to start somewhere, with many small acts that didn't make it onto the pages of Scripture or history. We have the very same God, rich in the very same grace, and He has provided everything we need to accomplish whatever He sets before us to do in this present moment.

If I let my actions (or lack thereof) depend on anything outside of my control, I am discrediting God's present power in my life and - consciously or unconsciously - presenting Him with an ultimatum: "God, give me _____, then I will act." But God does not need to wait for _____ in order to work in me to will and to do for His good pleasure. He wants me to faithfully do the things I can do right now, however small they may seem, that will move me in the right direction. Through Him I can be consistent in spiritual disciplines, even when I face the pressures of a busy life. Through Him I can forgive others and show them grace, even when they are unrepentant. Through Him I can invest carefully in the physical life He has entrusted to me, even when my circumstances make it difficult. Through Him I can work joyfully and rest wisely, even when life is stressful. The truth is, I just need Jesus.

Living With Grace in Challenging Times

I live with a chronic illness. I don’t do well wearing a mask—trust me, I’ve tried. To be honest, I’m not scared of the virus, even though I fall into the category of “immunocompromised.” I’m as discouraged as anyone by the constantly changing mandates and the daily challenges of these crazy times. But even with a legitimate excuse not to, I still try to comply when necessary. Why?

Maybe our government is overreacting. Maybe our “rights” are being infringed. But the government has not instructed me to do anything wrong. Nor am I outright forbidden to do right, however difficult certain right things like ministry and church may have become. Friends, you are not being persecuted, and even if you were, Jesus would have you accept it with joy (see Matthew 5:10-12). May I remind you, God has instructed us to obey the authorities He has instituted (Romans 13:1-5). If the time comes when we must choose between human law and God’s law, I will certainly follow the higher authority (Acts 5:29), but that time is not now.

No human government has ever flawlessly fulfilled God’s intent, yet Scripture speaks multiple times, without qualifications, of submission to our human authorities. It certainly goes against the grain of our selfish and independent nature! Now is a good time to check your attitude against Titus 3:1-2. Are you submissive and obedient? Are you ready to do good? Do you avoid all slander and quarreling? Are you gentle and courteous? We may disagree with our circumstances, but God’s law stands no matter what we face (1 Peter 2:15-16 is quite applicable). Titus and 1 Peter are great books to give us a Christ-honoring perspective of our times—give them a read and ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to practically live out your Christian witness in the midst of the current issues.

Remember, one of these days Jesus is coming back. Meanwhile, your testimony is more important than your freedoms. Don’t let your concern for your comforts, political opinions, or anything else damage the reputation of Christ. Live with grace, love your neighbor, honor God.

Tell Me the Truth

Tell me the truth - how can you smile

When the whole world is falling apart?

What is your secret, or what do you know

That inspires your gladness of heart?

Tell me the truth - why aren't you worried

About the things that could happen to you?

How can you possibly hold on to hope

When fears might sooner come true?

Tell me the truth - how can you be

So patient while plans go awry?

What is the source of your cheerful song,

Carefree as a bird in the sky?

Tell me the truth - why aren't you angry

That everything is out of control?

How did you learn to be so composed

And satisfied deep in your soul?

I'll tell you the truth - you too can know

This same peace and joy that is mine.

The secret you seek is waiting for you

In the love of Christ the Divine.

~April 6, 2020

Unity of the Spirit

I don’t understand racism. And I don’t say that because I’m a white female and have never experienced it. I just don’t get why the color of a person’s skin should have anything at all to do with how they are seen or treated. We’re all humans made in God’s image, after all. But I realize that not everyone believes that...and as long as people are without a basis for valuing others, racism will continue to be a thing.

Today is the celebration of Pentecost, the birthday of the church marked by the coming of the Holy Spirit to dwell in all believers. That day, people of many nationalities famously heard the Gospel in their own languages. It’s not merely that it was publicly preached for anyone who happened to be able to understand it. No, God supernaturally made sure everyone could understand, clearly demonstrating that His heart is for all people, no matter where they come from, how they speak, or what they look like. The Holy Spirit came to all who believed.

If there’s one place on earth that racism and any other kind of prejudice should be nonexistent, it’s in the church. As if our common humanity is not enough, we share the presence of God Himself. I wonder, how might our relationships be affected if we took time to remember the Holy Spirit’s presence in one another more often? Perhaps we would surprise the world with a love that sees more than the outside.

...maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

There is one body and one Spirit...one God and Father of all,

who is over all and through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:3-4, 6